Don't Count Me out Just yet

Don’t count me out Just yet…

January 10, 2009

To be or not to be, that is the question. Or is it more to be or not be. These past few weeks I have been struggling with my purpose in life. Ever since I moved to the Philippines I knew that GOD wanted me to live here and start my ministry. Being a minister is different from many career choices out there. You don’t choose to be a minister, your BOSS chooses you. It’s a calling and it’s not meant for everybody. I was joking the other day when I said that people wouldn’t kidnap me; one being a big guy it’s really hard to carry me to the car. I mean you could try and carry me but it’s going to take more than one guy. And once they do kidnap me they will just be disappointed since I am a seminary student. Being a minister, well let’s just say that we store our treasures in heaven.

But I digress…

So I thought I have accepted that this life is about struggles, and hardships. God did say the road to salvation is narrow and dangerous. Well the road that I am on has definitely been difficult. One disappointment after another and I won’t get into it right now since I already typed it in my journal twice now. But that has been the difficulties that I have been going through. But we are also promised to give Him our heavy burdens and there we will find rest.

Now I know GOD told me to go home, and I am set to go. But I cannot help but feel like a quitter. Which I am not, and what I am doing is far more important than my struggles. And my comfort, but I have been really spoiled most if not all my life. So as I deal with the day-to-day mess that I found myself in I am getting beaten. I know I use a lot of fighting metaphors but I’m a stickfighter that’s how I think. So I prayed to GOD for that comfort that I am looking for. And before I can even say AMEN, GOD said GO HOME. So as I prepare to go home, I still cannot shake that the GOD is also telling me to stay.

So does that mean that GOD is giving me contradictory instructions? Or that maybe I was so desperate to go home that I made that up? NO I know my Lord’s voice and I KNOW that he was telling me to go home and telling me to stay. His wisdom is beyond mine, and thus I turn to HIM for some guidance.

Guidance comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s a song, or a child’s laugh. But all in all you know that it’s from God when it glorifies Him. Guidance in this case came in a form of an old friend Pastor Neal Platon. His life is similar to what I was going through. He was called to move to the United States and leave all the people he knows and love. Of course he talks about that when he was speaking at GOOD SEMIRITAN UMC where he invited me to listen. He talked about his struggles and pains and how he wanted to give up. But he stuck to the Lord and saw it through. Well when he and I had coffee I thought I knew what he was going to say. Well the Lord in His awesome wonders shocked me again. When Pastor Neal said I should go home when I am clearly need of a rest. But he did ask, can I still finish my schoolwork while I am in the United States? And I said you know why not? I mean I am in a program where I can go at my own pace. So there is nothing wrong with that as long as I finish.

So all and all I thought GOD was contradicting His instructions to me but in reality GOD was not. God was saying that there is nothing wrong with going back to re-charge your batteries, go back to where you can set your heart, mind and soul straight again. And when it’s time for you to go back. Then you can. So that’s what I am going to do, go back and power down and when I’m ready God will call me again.

God is truly smart; when I was thinking one of the other He tells me you can have both. Thank you Lord…

On another note, I just found out that a TV show is coming to my FMA School and do an expose on us. Which would be great publicity for the school as well as bring in some new students. The day after I change my flight plans. GOD is truly amazing in all His wonders.